Family Identity and Values
Families are probably the first institution any society or culture ever established. Academic research has traced evidence of the family to prehistoric times. While the nature of families and their roles in society have changed and continue to be in transition, the family remains an essential cornerstone of cultures throughout the world.
A given family, no matter how that term is defined, is constitutes a "system" in which all of the individual family members are interconnected. A change in any one member ripples throughout the system and influences the actions of every other family member. Understanding an individual requires examination of the family as a whole.
In a similar manner, a given family system is but a subsystem of the environment in which the family functions. The environment contains systems and subsystems of its own including government, spiritual affiliations, neighborhoods, educational institutions, media, other families, and institutions that frequently supplement or replace families such as cliques or gangs. Each of these influences the defined family system in its own way, for good or ill. Understanding a defined family requires an awareness of the environment in which the family functions.
As a defined family is a subsystem of its environment, a given family system is composed of various subsystems. In a simple nuclear family system, parents and children represent two different subsystems. Brothers represent different subsystems from sisters; males are a different subsystem from females. The greater number of members in the defined family, the greater the number of subsystems. As the defined family expands to include grandparents, great-grandparents, and in-laws the number of subsystems expands exponentially.
A key component of family systems is resilience. While a given family system and its interconnected parts may be stable at a given point, internal or external influences tend to push the system into disequilibrium through a change in one or more of its parts. Birth, death, marriage, divorce, illness, loss of job, war, economic disruptions, even unexpected good fortune produce change throughout a given family system. Research has shown, however, that families are very adaptive and tend to establish new stability as strong, and frequently stronger, than the initial state.
It is becoming increasingly difficult to define the term "family." The traditional "nuclear" family of husband, wife, and 2.3 children has given way to "non-traditional" families. These consist of the blended family of husband, second wife, (or vise-versa) and yours, mine, and ours children. Often blended families are of widely disparate ages. Other examples of "non-traditional families" include the single parent family, inter-racial marriages, living together arrangements without marriage, same-sex couples (with or without children), grandparents raising children, children caring for their live-in parents, and other combinations. With Americans living longer, the borders of "family" are increasingly difficult to identify.
Further complicating the boundaries of a family are the number of interpersonal relationships that exist between and among family members. In a single "family" consisting of husband, wife, two sons, and a daughter it is easy to hypothesize that there are 10 interpersonal relationships [husband and wife (1), husband with each of the three children (3), wife with each of the three children (3), brother-to brother (1), and each brother to his sister (2)].
In fact, however, each member of the family has a separate relationship with each other member. Husband and wife relate to each other differently. Therefore, two relationships exist between them (husband-to-wife and wife-to-husband). Thus, in the simple example above, 20 rather than 10 interpersonal relationships are possible. In a family defined to include 10 members, there are 90 interpersonal relationships.
Each family, however defined, has its own identity. Family identity is determined by name, date and places of birth, traditions, stories and myths, norms, beliefs, principles, values, passions, ideology, politics, education, religion, roles and expectations, careers and occupations, mobility, behavior, respect for authority, outlook on financial management and debt, perceived obligations to self, other family members, and society, loyalty, fidelity, justice, philanthropy, time horizon, acceptance of diversity, willingness to share and dialogue, ability to display emotions, acceptance of change, and the list goes on. Each of these characteristics is worthy of discussion.
Families are often unaware of their identity; elders fail to share family history with younger members of the family. They often believe that simply "living out" their values and principles will instill those same attributes in younger generations. This may, or perhaps more frequently, may not be the case. Many families know, and are proud of their heritage and are eager to pass that identity to their prodigy. Other families would like to establish their identity and simply don’t know how.
Defining family identity is a process rather than an event. After facilitated discussion with individual family members, couples, generations, and the family as a whole, family identity should be memorialized through creation of a Statement of Family Values, a Family Mission Statement, and a Statement of Family Vision. A "neutral venue" is most appropriate for these discussions in order to provide an unbiased, open forum that encourages dialogue and a "safe haven" for open expressions of opinion, believes, needs, and desires. Such a forum in which each participant agrees to respect the opinions and needs of all other participants encourages each to express his or her own dreams and aspirations, and facilitates identification of those shared with other family members.
Briefly, a Statement of Family Values should incorporate the most significant elements of family identity that the family as a whole desires to perpetuate. While a Statement of Family Values specifies significant elements of family identity, a Family Mission Statement is a brief description of the family’s core values, principles, and purpose. Such a statement typically articulates the family’s purposes for direct family members over several generations, those members added through adoption or marriage, extended family members, in-laws, and the family’s outreach to charity, and the community as a whole. Mission statements are "of the moment" and typically describe in broad terms a family's present capabilities, ethics, focus, activities, and makeup. A Mission Statement answers the question, "Who are we as a family?" Families should be comfortable in sharing their Mission Statement with incoming family members, friends, and colleagues.
A Family Vision Statement differs from the Mission Statement in that, while it mirrors the Mission Statement’s core values and principles, it focuses on a family’s future. This document provides a framework for articulating long-range inspiration, passions, dreams, goals, and planning to allow each family member to achieve his or her own aspirations. A Vision Statement answers the question, "Where do we as a family want to go?"
These statements should be "inclusive" rather than "exclusive" in that they should permit and encourage input from all elements of the family thereby enhancing each individual’s self-confidence and esteem while at the same time, allowing each to reach his or her own full potential.
Seeking North endeavors to facilitate the definition of family identity, establish consensus as to its values and principles, and the development of its statements of values, mission, and vision. To do this, we seek to understand the family as a whole, and its environments, as well as its individual members. Typically this involves discussions with or of three or more generations and helping each member of the family define his or her own role as a member of the family system.
©2008 Ronnie C. McClure, PhD, CPA