Family Conflict Transformation
Whether between family members, between families, or between families and other systems in a family's environment, conflict is inevitable. The fact that conflict is inevitable doesn't make it bad, however. The issue is how a family deals with conflict is the important issue. Conflict is much like fever in the body. Fever is a symptom of an illness, not the illness itself; conflict is a symptom of a relationship problem, it is not the problem itself.
A particular family conflict may be resolved in a number of ways; arguing (which does not necessarily produce resolution), fighting (violence generally exacerbates the problem), law suits (expensive and nasty, frequently destroying what remains of the relationship), negotiation (the preferred method), or some form of alternative dispute resolution (facilitated negotiation such as mediation or arbitration).
Arguing, fighting, and law suits are adversarial, typically dysfunctional methods of dispute resolution that focus on the disputants' positions. They are "zero sum" activities in which the more one party wins, the more the other party looses. The objective is to win; relationships are secondary.
Negotiation focuses not on positions, but on the parties' interests, needs, fears, hopes, and emotions. The process should aggressively attack the problem rather than the parties. The intent of the activity, particularly in the context of family disputes, is to preserve the relationships and find solutions that are mutually beneficial to all parties.
Negotiation is based on sound, positive communication patterns. Each party gets to tell their story. The parties themselves define the solution. If the conflicting parties lack the communication or negotiation skills to resolve the issues themselves (direct negotiation), a mediator is commonly brought in to facilitate the process. Conflicts may also be negotiated in a collaborative law process, without the need for harmful law suits.
In his excellent book, The Little Book of Conflict Transformation, John Paul Lederach posits that conflict resolution solves only specific problems. Conflict transformation, however, goes beyond solving the immediate problem through negotiation and also addresses how "patterns of communication and interaction are affected by conflict." Transformation seeks to gain an insight into the "underlying causes and conditions that create and foster" conflict. Conflict transformation is relationship-centered. Conflict resolution is deals with an immediate problem; conflict transformation has a longer term horizon. Conflict transformation is a broader concept than resolution only the presenting problem. Conflict resolution is content oriented; conflict resolution is context oriented.
Resolving conflict and transforming the processes by which family conflict is addressed is critical in family wealth transfer planning. SeekingNorth may facilitate a family's negotiation of conflicts with the aim of preserving relationships while resolving disputed issues. SeekingNorth also attempts to find the underlying causes of family conflict and help transform the processes by which family disputes are resolved to permit a smooth transfer of a family's wealth to other family members, other generations, individuals outside of the immediate family, and public purposes.
©2008 Ronnie C. McClure, PhD, CPA